According to SATC‘s rule-toting Charlotte, getting over a break-up takes half the amount of time you were actually in the relationship. Erm, according to her philosophy, my parents were married for 90 years …
The alternative theory is that you need 3 months for every year you were together. Ironically, this one was given to me by my mother.
No Early Birds, No Worms
Nevertheless, the Rule of 3 is the only one that offers me a glimmer of hope, therefore, I now strategically book all dates for after June: “I’m all booked up with anger and cynicism at the moment, but seem to have an opening in the summer. We appreciate your business and thanks for calling.”
It has become obvious to me that I’m never really going to get over my last relationship until some algebraic equation of time to the power of the universe is discovered.
What I have come to realise is that there is someone else I need to get over first. Something I should have done before but refused.
Cleopatra: Queen of Denial
I opened my email today and gasped in horror. There it was: an email from my soul mate. But that couldn’t be. He left me years and years ago. He left me for heaven.
A tragic and mysterious death ripped my soul mate away from me forever. I never got closure. I was not allowed to the funeral. My cousin waited on my front steps for me until I got home. We drank, I cried. That was the only good-bye I said. I will always be thankful to her for making me start the ending. Problem is I never finished.
Somehow his hotmail account (which I thought was cancelled) had managed to spam me today. I was forced to delete him and mark him as spam.
I was devistated.I turned off all the lights and cried hysterically until Charlotte’s voice on the telly pulled me back to Earth.
How do you get over someone you can’t drunk-dial, ex-sex or de-friend on facebook?
10 Things I Remember Best
1. Remember when you ate my cheeseburger after you promised to only take a bite? And, I slapped you and refused to get in a cab, so we all had to walk back to K’s in the rain! I think you’ll finally be able to laugh now.
2. I used to call your apologies Customer Service because they were just that good. Almost too good … lol!
3. I promise I’ll never try to dress you up in GAP again. But, do you have to wear XXXL shirts? It looks like a dress!
4. Bourbon Chicken! I’m finally able to laugh now! Well, almost …
5. I still have the Parasuco jumper you got me cuz it matched my eye shadow.
6. One word: Schlitz. In a brown paper bag. Pouring some out for the homies who didn’t make it. Remind me to buy a crate of it and pour it all for you.
7. I’m sorry I never visited your grave.
8. Bathroom mirror 
9. I was so proud of how you turned your life around and inspired your siblings. I never said it enough.
10. I forgive you for falling down that spiral of a rabbit hole.
You would think that “I love you” needs to be in there … but it doesn’t fit anywhere concrete. It exists only as a whisper in my head. I can still hear it, but I can never make out whether it’s his voice or mine.
Death makes the insignificant so special, the annoyances so amusing, and the big deals so small. Only that which is laid to rest, rests in peace.
This has been my favourite entry so far. Even though it made my heart hurt a little.
According the rules I either had 3 years or 18 months to get over my last relationship. It’s been 11 months, it still stings, I still lie awake some nights thinking about it.
I think when you truly love someone they stay in your heart forever.
Thanks for your comment, it’s very sweet and insightful. I’m going to just put a No Vacancy sign on my heart now. It’s full.