An Open Letter To: The Good People at Kraft
Re: Kraft Dinner fails flight exam
I have been living abroad for several years in Manchester, England and return regularly to Toronto, Canada to reunite with family, friends and Kraft Dinner. Yet with each passing month, your product continues to become more inconvenient to me. This love-hate affair can only be blamed on how you package your Kraft Dinner: the box is simply not flyer-friendly.
These cumbersome Kraft Dinner boxes take up valuable shoe space in my luggage; empty themselves in my carry-on; and cause great distress at my local post office when my mail sounds like a child’s rattle yet the weight of the package suggests that the owner of said rattle could only be Finn McCool.
Once a year my darling Aunty C comes to visit and brings with her the elixir of bachelorette life: KD. One day, she realised that if one takes the powder pouches out of the KD box, the transportation problem is solved. These magical pouches of powdered gold can then be added to whatever pasta I have in my cupboards. Chop up some tomatoes, maybe an onion, tinned salmon if the Queen is coming round for tea and viola! Kraft Dinner at its finest from your factory, to my aunt’s handbag, to the amazement of the English folk at my dinner table. Sometimes we eat it straight from the pot for that authentic Canadian cuisine feeling! At present, we are still working on what the role of Ketchup is in all this …
I’m sure you have already noted the major drawback: Once the powder pouches are removed from the box, what does one do with the remaining macaroni? When I was younger, my parents would threaten to send my hotdog-topped KD to the starving children in Africa if I didn’t finish it. I now realise that there was never and will never be any shipping of KD leftovers (to Africa or anywhere else!) due to the transportation problems I have outlined above. If we knew then what we know now …
Whilst we are all feeling very pleased with ourselves for coming up with the idea of separating the cheese powder from the macaroni, we also have discovered that there’s an untapped market of ex-pats wondering where their next KD fix will come from. All around the world, millions of Canadians and their friends are yearning for a portable pouch of powdery goodness. And who is to cater to this demand? Surely not Dave Nichol and his wannabe brand of President’s Choice White Cheddar!
It must now be glaringly obvious that the good people at Kraft have a riddle to solve: if a Kraft Dinner pouch had wings … would it fly? On behalf of portable powder pouch supporters everywhere, we believe it would have no problems getting off the ground.
Yours beseechingly,
WhatNot2Date
CC: Dave Nichol, President’s Choice
_-_(500x500).jpg)
HEY! Let’s not hate on PC white cheddar! We used to steal them from the cupboard of destiny! I’m hungry now. Grrrrrr Kraft! ‘If we build it they will come!’ (or fly) xxx
I am almost positive you can buy the powder at the bulk food store. You could have it shipped in jars.
You know they provide cheese mix IN BULK at bulk barn?
i used to have a jar.
its incredible. you can add AS MUCH CHEESE AS YOU WANT
when you come home, you know what you’re getting
xo
plus, dad keeps telling me to read this article. he loved it