Happy Birthday 2u! Older! … Wiser?

It’s my birf-day! Do a back flip! It’s my birf-day! WN2D is officially one year old! But am I a year wiser?

Flashback one year: In shock. Couldn’t sleep. Neck problems. Heartbroken.

The present: Nothing shocks me. Stay awake for all the good reasons. A very expensive osteopath is fixing my neck/back/everything. Heart repaired with rusty needle and string.

The interim: I deliver the shocks! No sleep ‘til Brooklyn! Take up every sport in an attempt to cure OTT aggression. Heart? What heart?

Will I ever love again? Will I ever trust again? No and NoOo! Not if I have anything to say about it. What’s the point in searching for semantics anyhow? Don’t look for hidden treasures. What you see is what you get. Just enjoy the moment. The moment is exactly that. Don’t get greedy. Nothing gold stays green, Ponyboy!

I have been single for a year, I don’t regret it and I hope I’ll never be tied down again (in a non-kinky way, of course!) This is the longest I have gone without a “boyfriend” since grade 1 – I had almost forgotten all that unpleasant business of Ricky and Jesse giving me stolen jewellery! A fugitive at age 7! The ban on boyfriends was quickly installed by my parents and subsequently broken by me. This is also when I realised that just because I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend … it didn’t mean I couldn’t have a girlfriend!

But I digress … where was I? (That’s the thing with being single, you can spend a whole evening just interrupting yourself!) Oh yes, that’s it! In honour of the birthday festivities, I present to you my lovelies and lovers … drum roll please … the Anniversary List of WN2D just for you:

10 Reasons Why the SingleLife is a Cut Above the Rest

If you’re starting to think that you might be better off on your own - you might just be right. Take care of NumberOne and trust you instincts. Look at what you could be missing out on right now all because you’ve not given Mr./Miss RightNow the old heave-ho: 

1. I never have to turn down a cute guy/girl in the club, on the street, in the grocery store, at target practise, well … you get the picture!
2. Missed opportunity? Bad timing? I’m sorry - are those English phrases?
3. I can’t remember the last time I argued over chores, money, work schedules, groceries, kids, in-laws, etc etc etc.
4. Nobody tells me what to do unless they want to be on Unsolved Mysteries.
5. My toilet rim is pee-free!
6. I can have make up sex with someone else.
7. CDs, important papers and keys are exactly where I left them.
8. There are no teeth marks in the cheese.
9. Let me check my schedule – oh look! I’m freeee!
10. My flat does not require 6 remote controls before one can operate the TV or make toast.

Wait just a second! Is SingleLife for everyone? Obviously the human species would die out! While I do consider myself a form of population control (you can thank me later), I also recognise that it’s not the right choice for everyone. Are you past your sell-by date?

10 Reasons Why the SingleLife Just Voted You Off

Some people must join the Mate&Procreate squad sooner or later, thereby sacrificing their lives for the betterment of mine. Which side are you on?

1. You own/want to own at least one cat.
2. You’re looking for someone who ticks all the boxes on Stuff White People Like.
3. You fantasize about repairmen and check the postman’s ring finger daily.
4. You go to the grocery store in your pjs. Yes, Uggs count as slippers.
5. You stop going to the gym/exercising because you want someone “who likes me just the way I am.” Sure, fat and lazy is a must in most personal ads.
6. You think that using birth control has worse side effects than if you didn’t use it.
7. You can’t remember the last time you bought razors.
8. You find Febreze cuts down on your washing costs.
9. You have “When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple” memorised; you are wearing purple now.
10. I haven’t invited you out in a while!

Well, I know where I stand! There’s nothing like Ridin’ Solo!

One year later: I’m stronger, fitter, wary and a bit intimidating. Thanks for ridin’ with me, everyone. It’s all thanks to you that whenever I look up “the best revenge” in the dictionary I see a picture of me: living well!

Note: this is not a picture of me, it’s just a really fitting song. I am not a picture. I am a thousand+ words.

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