Tech support for husband =/fail

Dear tech support, 

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. 

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: 
• Romance 9.5 and 
• Personal Attention 6.5

and then installed undesirable programs such as: 
• NBA 5.0 
• NFL 3.0
• Golf Clubs 4.1. 
• Toilet Seat Up (w/ bonus Rim Pee) 6.66

Also, Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housework 6.1 merely crashes the system, resulting in an error message “Warning: Mega Sulk x10 File has commenced. Click Ok Hunny Sorry to Disturb You and restart.”

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? 

Signed,

Desperate House-knife

Dear Desperate, 

First, keep in mind, 
• Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while 
• Husband 1.0 is an operating system. 

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and download Tears 6.2. Once complete, commence the Guilt 3.0 update.

This system bypass will then cause Husband 1.0 to automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. Note that you must complete these steps each time as they cannot be imbedded into Husband 1.0 permanently due to memory constraints.

Please be advised that overuse of the above can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 and Happy Hour 7.0 leaving your system susceptible to the Beer virus. 

Please note that Beer is a very bad virus that will run the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta even if you try to cancel it. 

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a spybot in the background that will monitor and eventually control of all your system resources.) 

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program as these are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. 

Studies have shown that Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend:
• Cooking 3.0 and 
• Hot Lingerie 7.7. 

Good Luck!
Tech Support 

 

- submitted by John Dean of Florida, Class of ’59; with files from WN2D

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