It’s never been so obvious: Valentine’s Day is a conspiracy against lovers.
Do not be left disappointed in the wake of this Monday, February 14th. Plan your day very carefully! Valentine’s Day is not a day for going out of our way to show LoverBoy/Girl how much we care. We should do that everyday!
If there’s one thing I have learnt about relationships, it’s this: If you have to make an effort, there’s something wrong!!
Showing your appreciation should be in the little everyday things, it should come easily and be reciprocated frequently, without prompting. I have learnt this the hard way, and sadly, had my ex and I figured this out sooner, he wouldn’t be buried under the porch. But I digress.
Now where was I? Oh yes, Valentines Day = bad. I started to explain this to LoverBoy the other day, when I realised I didn’t need to. He was in complete agreement and seemed relieved when I announced that “I don’t celebrate V-Day, I think it’s a pile of crap”. His response sealed the deal: “Yeah, why do we need a day to remind us to be nice to each other? I bet most people just get drunk and fight.” It’s a pretty emotionally charged day and the one thing that LoverBoy and I like most is: avoiding opportunities for bullshit. So, we boycott.
In keeping with my contempt for “idyllic mushy crap”, we will be turning V-Day on it’s head by anti-celebrating. LoverBoy will be very late and not shave. I will gain 25lbs and take up chain-smoking. The food will be poorly cooked and we will have to be rushed to the hospital, where we have near-death experiences and develop a gift for predicting lottery numbers and luggage combinations. It will be discovered that we contracted a rare bacteria and experiments will be performed on us. We will suffer from amnesia and need rehabilitation, where we meet each other again for the first time. During our recovery, we will become very close and fall in love. One day, we will decide not to celebrate Valentine’s Day…
Good-luck on V-Day, everyone!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I promised Venus I’d give her a good seeing to 😉